Fast forward to the late-nite (We have to do this because I don’t even remember the club that night). We’re back at my place, drinking 40s or shots of Crat, some people playing Wii in the room next, me doing nothing, unless you count yayo as something, in which case I was doing a lot of something. And had been doing so since around 9. Most people go to bed around 3:30, but my really drunk best friend did not live nearby so crashed hard on my bed. And then of course the star of the story, she stayed as well because she needed to “sober up” before she could drive home to wherever the eff she lived. Obviously, I suggested the white panacea. She said fine. I did more too for good measure. Then obvi we made out. There is a line you cross when you do too much yayo. You start to feel as if you can do/say anything during that five minute rush. So I did. Convo went something like this (and remember, there was another person in the room):
“I realllly want to do a line off your tits” (Who says that?? Answer, ME)
“Ok” (What kind of girl says Yes? Answer: In 15 years, poss the woman YOU marry) She wasn’t even undressed, this statement actually convinced her to take off her shirt. I did the line, and then a little later,
“I want to do a line off your leg” (No way this can work but YES, she takes off her pants and I do it)
So yea she’s down to the panties, I’m yayed as Fuck , and she’s S-ing the D when HER bright idea, not mine, is to do more coke:
“Now I want to do a line off your D” or something like that. Now I know this sounds good, but realize 1) I paid for the coke 2) she had already been going down on my D so it was a pretty terrible and wasteful surface 3) the numbing factor. My answer: “Sure.”
She pours some out and just blows a line off my D like it was no biggie. The coke whore than does another bump off it and gets back to work.
You would think this was baller, but of the 3 reasons I listed before, the numbing issue proved to be the worst. I couldn’t feel my D for like 30 minutes, seriously. That’s awful. It’s hard enough to find a (passably/marginally) attractive girl to S your D already, to have her S your numb (but still hard, don’t get the wrong idea) D is almost a waste. And boring. I started to watch SportsCenter for a while actually. Like WTF!!! coked out with a bitch S-ing my D and I had to watch Mavs highlights to stay alert??!?!
It was AWFUL!! Like, Fuck yea it was baller and made me think I was Rick James for a minute or 30, and yea, everytime dudes say things like “Why don’t you just have her blow a line off your D” or something I can laugh to myself that I’ve been there done that, but nothing is more frightening than not feeling your D for 30 fucking minutes! Moral of the story, yea it seems baller to do it, but don’t let a girl do a line off your D. It’s not even about the wastefulness of it. It fucking sucks. The second last thing anyone (even you) wants when they have a naked bitch ready to go is a numb D (I say 2nd for you limp D kids out there). Or a hard-on watching Erick Dampier wrestle Shaq for position on SportCenter
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