Picks, Picks, Picks

It’s everyone’s favorite time of the year. The time when you can tune into ESPN on any given night and watch some mediocre college football. You mean I can watch Wake Forest play Navy? NAVY? Sign me up!

This year, as I am finally a real person, I’ll have to be judicious with my time; picking and choosing which games to watch. The days of spazzing out in front of the tube watching Mieneke Car Care Bowl (seriously?) or the Insight.com PC Bowl and enjoying the number 3 team in the PAC-10 play the number 4 team in the ACC, or whatever, are over. Sad.

I’m not going to make picks on every game. That would require knowing something about the 398 teams seemingly playing in bowl games. I don't. So, without further ado.

Champs Sports Bowl

Florida State vs. Wisconsin

Hey FSU, remember when you played for the National Title 3 years in a row? Yeah, that was ages ago. Pre – Chris Rix and his margarine hands, pre Bobby Bowden looking completely out of it. But hey, you looked good this year. Got to #15 before laying some stinkers. You defeated VaTech and Maryland but lost to GaTech and Boston College. Really? BC? Then got your ass handed to you by Florida, for the 4^th consecutive year. What an enigmatic output. As a team, did you collectively decide to just not show up for games? I don’t know what to make of you. You’re about as consistent as John Kerry during his ’04 campaign, or my turds after choking down some Sitar Indian Cuisine…But I just can’t quit you, Florida State.
Seminoles win, 38-30, because I like offense. And for Wisconsin being almost as equally perplexing as State.

Orange Bowl

Cincinnati vs. Virginia Tech

Uggggggh. This is a BCS matchup? Am I really going to spend my New Years night watching this game in prime time? I know nothing about these teams, except that VaTech has won the ACC every year it has been in it. I think. That’s near the mid-90s level of dominance FSU had. This may end up being an entertaining game, but I doubt it.
Virginia Tech wins, 24-19, that’s right, I’m predicting a safety!

Sugar Bowl

Utah vs. Alabama

Yeah BCS busters, way to rip-off the fans. This game should be Texas vs. Bama, it’d be only about 896x more competitive. This game will go the route of Hawaii vs. Georgia in 2008 as opposed to Boise State vs. Oklahoma in 2007. Alabama will just grind the ball out, put everyone to sleep, and by the time anyone notices anything has happened they’ll have scored 30 points.
Crimson Tide win, 30-13, in a game that’s never really competitive.

Fiesta Bowl

Ohio State vs. Texas

This has the possibility of turning into an ass whooping. Like serious sphincteral reaming. Texas reminds me of the Ohio State team that won the national title over Miami a few years ago. They just find ways to win (except against Texas Tech). Ohio State is overrated. Mostly because I hate Jim Tressel. That’s right, my hate for one guy makes a team overrated, it’s a fact. Texas proves the big favorite here, but everyone forgets they can barely run the ball. Def not a good sign when you’re leading rush has less than 600 yards…and is also your leading passer.
All that aside, Texas wins, but not that impressively 34-21

Rose Bowl

USC vs. Penn State

I don’t know why everyone’s writing off Penn State, they have stud receivers, a stud running back, and a baller QB…But then there’s that Trojan D. I give Pete Carroll the nod w/the month off to prep. As long as their running backs don’t do something stupid like fumble on an attempted lateral or the refs don’t give Vince Young…er, Darryl Clarke a touchdown despite being down at the two.

Trojans win, 31- 16.

Title Game

Oklahoma vs. Florida

I already predicted Florida to win this game, by some random score of 41-36 or something around there. I really, really, want a close and exciting game – as does everyone else. But I keep getting this sneaking suspicion there will be more sphincteral tearing when this one is said and done. UF’s offense is just as good as Oklahoma’s. That’s right, I have huuuuge fucking balls for saying that. But it’s true. And their defense is much better. Bob Stoops also has a history of sucking majorly in the BCS, while Urban Meyer has a history of kicking ass. Oh, and UF is the better team.

I’ll adjust my prediction and say Gators win 42-35, a more normal score…while simultaneously predicting the possibility of 49-23.

Game everyone wants to see

USC vs. Florida

Nation’s best two teams. Strength on strength for 60 minutes. It’d be beautiful. Kinda like...