Election Rhymes with Erection. Who woulda thought.

If there’s one thing I pride myself on in this blog, it’s timely political coverage. When the story broke, in August 2007, of Larry Craig getting busted for trying to get some hot dude on dude action in a rando bathroom I immediately thought: I’m going to blog about that. In November…in 2008.

Watch this video. Hilarity. Everyone should’ve seen his arrest coming 8 years earlier. Look at the smile that creeps onto his face towards the end. Then look at Chris Matthews’ utter shock. Priceless.

Also this, Barack goes Wu-Tang. CREAM, get the money, dollar dollar bill y’all.

And this, great for erections everywhere. You know Joe wants a piece.

I’ll make actual political commentary someday. After all, it was a focus of my studies whilst in school. So I know a thing or two, or three…no, actually I know just two things about politics.

1. A candidate’s job is to get elected. That’s it. It’s not to deliver campaign promises, or change the world, or govern with any semblance of efficacy (looking at you, W.) It’s electoral inertia. Get in power, stay in power. We’ll see if Obama can keep his promises. Similarly, if electoral is a word, what would be its boner rhyme equivalent? Erectoral? If I watch porn in a dorm room, am I in the erectoral college?

2. In 1856 some senator, Charles Sumner to be exact, was bludgeoned in the Senate Chamber. By a cane. Read the Wikipedia entry. Sen. Preston Brooks BEAT THAT ASS. Fun, possibly true Wikipedia fact: Sen Brooks had a body man pointing a gun to everyone else who tried to interfere with the smackdown. That’s some serious disdain. I imagine Brooks did to Sumner what the Isley Brothers did to R. Kelly at the end of the “Keep It On The Down Low” video: BEAT THAT ASS.

And this is the senate. The patricians of the legislature. If this happened in the seedy House, no one would’ve cared. But these people are supposed to be professional. Could you imagine if this happened today. Chuck Schumer would be on some tirade about ethics. And Ted Stevens would come up and just BEAT THAT ASS with his cane or walker or whatever.

3. Bonus boner fact: 42nd President William "Bill" Jefferson Clinton has the initials BJC. Coincidence: hell no.