Kansas to Repeal the Death Penalty?

Kansas, among other states, is considering abolishing the death penalty in order to save costs. Peep the article, yo. And according to this report it costs$1.26 million to kill someone and only $740k to keep someone in jail for life.

Um, how the hell does it cost that much to kill a person? If someone is facing the death penalty, they probably killed someone. And if they get the death penalty, they probably don't have $1.26 million. We all know rich people don't get death, right OJ? Typical Democrats, they can't even execute people without wasting tons of tax payer money. There are definitely ways to end lives more cheaply. But, supposedly, death penalties are supposed to be all humane and stuff. Here's how you save money, Kansas. Car+ running engine+potato in the muffler Beverly Hills Cop style. Job done with only the cost of gas. That's like $20 bucks if you drive a Civic.

So back to the original question, how does it cost that much to kill someone? Oh, you mean it was all delineated in the report I linked to above? And the cost figures include the entire trial, sentencing, AND capital punishment process - not just the killing? And Kansas can reduce costs if people simply stopped killing each other? Well then, sounds like someone just wasted 5 minutes reading this post.

beautiful

The downside to owning a broken iPod: the morning commute just got a lot longer. And there's the prospect of upgrading. Do you go with the 475 gb (coming soon!) classic video iPod or opt for the iPod touch weighing in at a paltry 16. In either case, as soon as a new one is bought; Steve Jobs' backup will roll out a brand new version just to piss you off. I didn't even realize how much music I don't listen to until it broke. I don't even know what the popular songs are right now. It's Dark and Hell's Hot is still number one, right? Right?

But not having any tunes in the morning does make one (myself being the one) a lot more observant of other goings on in this fair city of New York. That and my mind wanders a lot.


The 12's. Prettiest sneaker or the prettiest sneaker? I want a pair of these, but when am I ever going to wear high tops? ...Maybe I should tuck my jeans into them, that'd be sweet



Sunset over just the tip of Manhattan.


Snowfall. Breaking out my inner Ansel Adams. Snow is pretty terrible. Sure it looks good, but then it turns to ice and beckons you to fall all over it. Kind of like that girl you've been courting.


Back of last Weds Metro. Make the Power Move...to the Power House. Where all the residents are power brokers who wear power ties. Power, power, power.

Beautiful. Former home of the Chrysler (yes, the car company) Co. As seen from Bowling Green, or SoHo, or maybe it was Murray Hill. I dunno.


Citigroup Center on 53rd. I'm kind of obsessed with this thing.


It's on stilts.

Superman Weave

Easily one of the funniest things I've heard.

A woman's hair weave stopped a speeding bullet from splattering her brains on the sidewalk.

Police in Kansas City, Mo., said a woman's tight hair weave stopped a bullet, rescuing her from injury and likely saving her life.

You know how I know you're black?


Because there's a Schlitz truck parked in front of my office? Or because this post is about bullet proof hair weaves and malt liquor.

******Update. Now with Video*******

Rando Japanese Commercial

Not directly related to my specific thesis but it certainly goes with my unfounded assault on Japanese culture (which is a random boredom-induced tangent, not to be taken even remotely seriously). Enjoy:



Translation:

“Let’s Slit Our Wrists! Yay yay! It’s so cute!”

“The design is cute! Even when you cut yourself, it doesn’t hurt! It makes the blood taste delicious!”

“On sale now, the cute design cutter!”

Its actually from a battle-royale like movie... its not a real commercial. But it certainly shows that Japan produces plenty of fucked up movies even outside of the adult film genre.

Japanese Girls Throwing Up in Each Other's Mouths? Part Zero

In the past week, Japan has recently taken two severe kicks to the scrotum. First, its political situation is pretty rocky, second, its economy is tanking at 3 times the speed of ours and its finance minister decided it would be a good idea to get shitfaced during the G7 conference and was forced to resign (since he no longer has the likes of George W. Bush around to upstage him). Thus, my goal is to cut down the third defining characteristic of Japan--its culture. Hopefully by the time you're done reading this series you'll realize that this country has absolutely no redeeming qualities.

The Japanese are typically thought of as an orderly, clean, respectful and honorable people. Which is why this article caught my attention. (For the lazy, it's Titled: Japan to stop producing weirdo porn that makes people Puke) Yes, I'll concede--it's from The Onion--but somehow there's always some truth to those pieces. And so I dug deeper and did some investigation so you don't have to; you can thank me for the saved time later. Ironically, in order to get around censors, the country of Bukkakke created some of the most innovative (see: filthiest) Adult films and sex toys imaginable. Apparently, Japan's Porn Industry is equal to 1% of its GDP (roughly equivalent to its military budget). At one point, much of this revenue came from vending machines selling soiled schoolgirl panties. Its as if Dov Charney and R. Kelly joined forces to create their hedonist utopia.

I'll publish my extensive investigative reporting in a three part mini-series starting this week. Or not, depending on (1) whether or not I boot uncontrollably while typing or (2) how much you throw up on your keyboard after the first report. Stay tuned. Or not.

FML, Okay to Say?

I don't really know about actually using the phrase "FML" in everyday speech/text/whatever. What happened to the ever so empowering "over it" to signify one's progression away from a fortuitously shitty situation. Now we slink back into melancholy with "FML." That, and it's an abbrev, can't actually say that shit. It's like dropping an FYI or BTW in conversation. Which, no lie, I have done before. That's what this blog is all about, me coming clean and telling the truth. That and having chicks rail lines off of your cock. You know, just in case you forgot that story. The author should have another story coming up once I can wrangle it out of him. Or maybe it's a her! You watch Law and Order SVU last night? Chicks can have cocks too!

On FML and its very own website, aptly titled fmylife.com I am reminded of this entry

Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolls off of me without finishing, and says, "i'm bored." FML

That's the best entry I've come across. I sort of wish I could talk to that girl and tell her it's not her fault. Unless, of course, she's butt ass ugly. Such a double standard that ugly girls can still get laid but dudes have to put in effort to get in there...But I guess that just answers my question. Since a dude can always downgrade to an ugly trick if he doesn't really want to try that hard... no, but then ugly dudes won't be able to get any if all the ugly girls are taken. Unless they're rich. Or an athlete. I'm theorizing myself in circles now... you can tell that I'm writing this right as I think it, right?

In any case, If the guy is drunk he's not going to get off, which is why dude from the above quote stopped. Why would he work himself up just to not get off? You have to stop at the point. It'd be like giving yourself blue balls, terrible idea. And if he gets blue balls he's probably (likely) going to wet the bed while slumbering as he sobers up. I don't think females understand this concept. It's like shaking up a bottle of soda. It's going to release at some point. At that point she'd have to change her sheets. And I know everyone knows how annoying it is to wash sheets on a random non-laundry day. And you know you'd forget about that stuff until right before you're about to sleep and be all like "fuck, I have to wash that stain out my sheets" and then its either A) sleep on it B) stay up and wash it or C) covertly steal one of your roommates sheet sets. Or you can be a G and sleep without sheets. It's cool, sheets aren't that important.

How long would it take to grab a towel and wipe down your face. Like 45 secs? And it'd take 2 hours of hauling laundry around to the wash sheets. Kneeling tall and taking one for the team is much more economical. Or, better yet, take it down (literally) - gokkun style. BTW do not google that word. That's the most economical of all. Takes like 3 seconds.

See ladies, I'm just looking out for you. Giving you the best advice to maximize your utility in this world.

And peep the picture, its of "FML". Which apparently is some sort of drug, bc the picture came from drugs.com....There's not one sequitur thought in this post. It's obviously have some form of ADD

Word of the Week

Inveterate: firmly established by long persistence, habitual.

How did I go through my entire life not knowing this word existed. Scientists say you can measure one's intelligence by the number of words he/she knows. Well, after today, I'm up to 6. Fuck yeah. You can totally drop this word during a casual conversation and see that awkward smile pop up on the other person's face while he or she waits for you to turn around to stealthily Google it on his/her blackberry. Only to find out that it only means "habitual."

Charlie Murphy's character would've been infinitely more complex had he referred to Rick James as an "inveterate line stepper." This has gotta be one of the best words ever, right after "copacetic," "jam," and "slore."

Wasting $$ for NO Apparent Reason

I'll be the first to admit, I like nice shit. The more expensive and baller the better. R&R Jeans are better than AE. Hummers are better than Jeeps (and both are better than walking). Etc etc, except liquor. I fucking hate Grey Goose and that shit. It's pointless. Why the F should i buy expensive alcohol when, honestly, lets be real, alcohol does not taste good. It tastes like shit. I guarantee you give your 7 year old cousin a tablespoon of Grey Goose, a spoon of Smirnoff, and a spoon of piss and he'll make the exact same face before spitting it out. Alcohol tastes like shit. And I'm now officially over getting drunk off Goose/Stoli/Patron, all that shit. I'm not over getting drunk, but I'm def over paying $80 for 6 shots at a bar just to boot it 2 hours later the same way I did in high school.

Oh, another baller comparison: Coke is much better than cigarettes. I remember when smoking was cool, when I was 16. then more baller shit happens. But Goose, over it. If I'm gonna get drunk (which I don't foresee stopping any time in the future) and through my money away (again, a habit I don't see ending) why through it away on expensive ass alcohol? If the bitch really wants it, I'll pay for it (only if she's my jam though) but I'm just gonna stick to the well drinks right now. All the other baller shit is worth it, but unless they make an alcohol that legitimately does NOT taste like alcohol, does not taste like vomit when you boot, and does not give you beer goggles, don't expect to see me dropping a platinum card at a bar and getting bottle service of patron. Yea, thats another baller comparison, platinum cards beat the fuck out of my old as Wachovia check card from the days when Wachovia was a bank

End of the weekend, Start of the week

Sundays are the absolute worst. You just kind of sit by, idly, counting down the hours until you’re back to being some corporate drone. I’ll gladly listen to Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth slob on some Rooney family (the guys who own the Pittsburgh Steelers) knob over actually thinking about having to be awake by 7 am. And Eli just threw an interception. Terrible.

One upside of going into the office is the back and forth e-mail exchanges between college friends. This gem came across my inbox last week.

Vivica Fox to host “The Cougar” on TV Land

The eight-episode series centers on an older woman's search for love among a pool of younger bachelors.

Ohhhhhhh yeah. I hope to God the tryouts for this show are in NYC and not in Hollywood. I’ll be there with bells on. Whatever that means. For those who don’t know: cougars are my fucking jam. Or should be, theoretically. I’m all about finding a rich, older chick in search for some young mandingo; but, man, cougar bars are lame. Cougar hunting requires more dedication than I thought – and more than I have. Vivica had some pretty suspect quotes.

See, I'm a cougar that likes a young buck that's got the same bank account that I do. I'm not doing any sponsorship programs. I don't do sugar mama. I'm not taking care of anybody, I want somebody to take care of me! Or at least meet me halfway!"

Apparently Vivica isn’t too familiar with the concept of a cougar. Sure we all want to bone milfy 45 year olds with saggy boobs, but in the long run we all want the same things those DABA girls want: fiscal security. Yup, the New York Times really did do a piece on gold digging wannabe Wall St. wives. I can't hate though. If you can do it, why not? And sure, I (and they) went to a good school could probably get a good job and hold my own in the world. But why? Why not bag some botox and chardonnay fueled middle-aged slampiece, pump a few in her, and live on easy street. With her bank account I’d have time to pursue other interests. Like my modeling career. Or start a career as a subway djembe player.Or an extra on Law & Order. I'd obviously be an extra for the "order" portion of the show. Anything to get close to Assistant DA Connie Rubirosa.

And if a guy is young and rich, why would he be going for older chicks. If I had boatloads of cash I would’ve never left school. I’d set up shop and shamelessly skeeze on 18 years old year in and year out. They probably don’t know what the hell they’re doing but…they’re so young and supple. I’d be like that dude from Dazed and Confused. When I got tired of that I'd move to NYC and set up a "casting agency" for all the aspiring actresses out there. Either that or buy a table at The Box if I didn't feel like actually trying.

I came to the conclusion that I just need to stalk the 4 train between 59^th and 86^th streets looking for said Cougar. Great for me, I live off the east side. But then again, how many cougs roam the subways. Which means I have to walk up and down Madison/Park/Lex/3^rd looking for my star-crossed meal ticket. But it’s cold. That and cougs would all be in taxis or car services. Which means I have to wait until the spring. Damnit. This show better have auditions in New York.

Sporcle.com

Where was this website when I was ruining my gpa spending hours on end playing text twist. I went on a retreat one time where all they served was some sort of pudding-bread concoction. It looked like cornbread, but tasted much, much, better. They had to have sprinkled heroin into the batter or something. Kids were fiending for that square tin of non-descript yellow carbs.

I only mention that because this site was the electronic equivalent. At least for the first day…or three.

Highlights of the site:

The Surname Game: Guess the 20 most popular surnames in the USA as per the 2000 US Census. Hint: Diesel isn’t one of them. Which reminds me of the highlight of the Super Bowl last week: the commercial for 4 Fast 4 Furious. I CANNOT wait to see this movie. I’m sure it’ll be horrendous. But horrendous in the original Fast and Furious kind of way, not in the “let’s put Lil Bow Wow in Japan” kind of way.

I got 9 out of 20.

The States Game: named all 50 in 2:08. Could only get 47 capitols though. West Virginia, Connecticut, and New Hampshire can all go to hell.

The Pokémon Game: See if you can name all of the original 151. Or, if you’re really aggressive you can try to name the other 423,169. I got 62 and felt oddly disappointed.

Fmylife.com

A co-worker comes over to my cube “hey, go to this website, it’s called F….my life.com”.

Umm, seriously? How is a site like that not blocked by the corpo-server? Was I apprehensive? Yes. Was I holding in laughter two minutes later when I saw this post?

Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolls off of me without finishing, and says, "i'm bored." FML

Absolutely

Oh heeey Ms. Rubirosa