Japanese Girls Throwing Up in Each Other's Mouths? Part Zero

In the past week, Japan has recently taken two severe kicks to the scrotum. First, its political situation is pretty rocky, second, its economy is tanking at 3 times the speed of ours and its finance minister decided it would be a good idea to get shitfaced during the G7 conference and was forced to resign (since he no longer has the likes of George W. Bush around to upstage him). Thus, my goal is to cut down the third defining characteristic of Japan--its culture. Hopefully by the time you're done reading this series you'll realize that this country has absolutely no redeeming qualities.

The Japanese are typically thought of as an orderly, clean, respectful and honorable people. Which is why this article caught my attention. (For the lazy, it's Titled: Japan to stop producing weirdo porn that makes people Puke) Yes, I'll concede--it's from The Onion--but somehow there's always some truth to those pieces. And so I dug deeper and did some investigation so you don't have to; you can thank me for the saved time later. Ironically, in order to get around censors, the country of Bukkakke created some of the most innovative (see: filthiest) Adult films and sex toys imaginable. Apparently, Japan's Porn Industry is equal to 1% of its GDP (roughly equivalent to its military budget). At one point, much of this revenue came from vending machines selling soiled schoolgirl panties. Its as if Dov Charney and R. Kelly joined forces to create their hedonist utopia.

I'll publish my extensive investigative reporting in a three part mini-series starting this week. Or not, depending on (1) whether or not I boot uncontrollably while typing or (2) how much you throw up on your keyboard after the first report. Stay tuned. Or not.