End of the weekend, Start of the week

Sundays are the absolute worst. You just kind of sit by, idly, counting down the hours until you’re back to being some corporate drone. I’ll gladly listen to Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth slob on some Rooney family (the guys who own the Pittsburgh Steelers) knob over actually thinking about having to be awake by 7 am. And Eli just threw an interception. Terrible.

One upside of going into the office is the back and forth e-mail exchanges between college friends. This gem came across my inbox last week.

Vivica Fox to host “The Cougar” on TV Land

The eight-episode series centers on an older woman's search for love among a pool of younger bachelors.

Ohhhhhhh yeah. I hope to God the tryouts for this show are in NYC and not in Hollywood. I’ll be there with bells on. Whatever that means. For those who don’t know: cougars are my fucking jam. Or should be, theoretically. I’m all about finding a rich, older chick in search for some young mandingo; but, man, cougar bars are lame. Cougar hunting requires more dedication than I thought – and more than I have. Vivica had some pretty suspect quotes.

See, I'm a cougar that likes a young buck that's got the same bank account that I do. I'm not doing any sponsorship programs. I don't do sugar mama. I'm not taking care of anybody, I want somebody to take care of me! Or at least meet me halfway!"

Apparently Vivica isn’t too familiar with the concept of a cougar. Sure we all want to bone milfy 45 year olds with saggy boobs, but in the long run we all want the same things those DABA girls want: fiscal security. Yup, the New York Times really did do a piece on gold digging wannabe Wall St. wives. I can't hate though. If you can do it, why not? And sure, I (and they) went to a good school could probably get a good job and hold my own in the world. But why? Why not bag some botox and chardonnay fueled middle-aged slampiece, pump a few in her, and live on easy street. With her bank account I’d have time to pursue other interests. Like my modeling career. Or start a career as a subway djembe player.Or an extra on Law & Order. I'd obviously be an extra for the "order" portion of the show. Anything to get close to Assistant DA Connie Rubirosa.

And if a guy is young and rich, why would he be going for older chicks. If I had boatloads of cash I would’ve never left school. I’d set up shop and shamelessly skeeze on 18 years old year in and year out. They probably don’t know what the hell they’re doing but…they’re so young and supple. I’d be like that dude from Dazed and Confused. When I got tired of that I'd move to NYC and set up a "casting agency" for all the aspiring actresses out there. Either that or buy a table at The Box if I didn't feel like actually trying.

I came to the conclusion that I just need to stalk the 4 train between 59^th and 86^th streets looking for said Cougar. Great for me, I live off the east side. But then again, how many cougs roam the subways. Which means I have to walk up and down Madison/Park/Lex/3^rd looking for my star-crossed meal ticket. But it’s cold. That and cougs would all be in taxis or car services. Which means I have to wait until the spring. Damnit. This show better have auditions in New York.

Sporcle.com

Where was this website when I was ruining my gpa spending hours on end playing text twist. I went on a retreat one time where all they served was some sort of pudding-bread concoction. It looked like cornbread, but tasted much, much, better. They had to have sprinkled heroin into the batter or something. Kids were fiending for that square tin of non-descript yellow carbs.

I only mention that because this site was the electronic equivalent. At least for the first day…or three.

Highlights of the site:

The Surname Game: Guess the 20 most popular surnames in the USA as per the 2000 US Census. Hint: Diesel isn’t one of them. Which reminds me of the highlight of the Super Bowl last week: the commercial for 4 Fast 4 Furious. I CANNOT wait to see this movie. I’m sure it’ll be horrendous. But horrendous in the original Fast and Furious kind of way, not in the “let’s put Lil Bow Wow in Japan” kind of way.

I got 9 out of 20.

The States Game: named all 50 in 2:08. Could only get 47 capitols though. West Virginia, Connecticut, and New Hampshire can all go to hell.

The Pokémon Game: See if you can name all of the original 151. Or, if you’re really aggressive you can try to name the other 423,169. I got 62 and felt oddly disappointed.

Fmylife.com

A co-worker comes over to my cube “hey, go to this website, it’s called F….my life.com”.

Umm, seriously? How is a site like that not blocked by the corpo-server? Was I apprehensive? Yes. Was I holding in laughter two minutes later when I saw this post?

Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolls off of me without finishing, and says, "i'm bored." FML

Absolutely

Oh heeey Ms. Rubirosa