Free Syphilis for All!

So I was over in Harlem. It was me and Lucy C. and we were chilling by ourselves. Both of us had popped a pill, and well that's all a lie. I was in Harlem though, unloading crack to some 9 year olds (it tastes like candy, yo. Delicious, delicious white candy).

That's actually another lie. I did go to Harlem, no lie. And I came across this spectacular item on E. 125th street.
YES x A Million. Put his picture up there and everything. I hope whoever did this went to Kinko's and plastered these things all over the neighborhood. If someone gave you Syphilis, you have to do this. Fuck being civil....you just contracted syphilis...that shit eats your brain.

Plaster these things all around the city. Put them in subways so random visitors see them. Oh, and be sure to put the person's name on it too. Don't forget the ads in the AM New York...and fuck it, the New York Times. Finally, don't forget to go tack them up in the offending person's apartment complex.

On sexually transmitted diseases...I was just thinking back to good old freshman year. That magical time when you first walk into your dorm knowing no one. I met one girl who told me the story of some dude she knew...who somehow attained ocular gonorrhea. That's right, gonorrhea....in your eye. I know one kid who used to walk around saying "Herpes...on your nose" obviously a joke...but gonorrhea in your eye is not.

The first thing you wonder is, how the hell do you get gonorrhea in an eye. Seriously, how? Well, I guess you have to have your eye where the gono is, and then there must be some sort of exchange of fluid... Huh, guess it wasn't so hard to figure it. But seriously, that eye must be all up in there if there's fluid exchange going on.

Serendipitious
As I type this post some episode of CSI is airing. Grissom and his hardly rag tag team of Crime Scene Investigators just cracked the case. Turns out the killer has AIDS, but he didn't know it!!! OH SHIT, how'd they figure out that he has AIDS?

Turns out that while the dude was stabbing a ho, some of her blood got into...you guessed it, his EYE. Boom, AIDS.

Next time you go down on a gonorrhea carrying groupie (not recommended) and next time you feel like stabbing a punk (stronlgy, not recommended) be sure to rock the Horace Grant look.
It'll keep syphilis and AIDs out of your shit.


Other Shit I Saw
Yeah, I know you care about the stuff I come across.

Also in Harlem, Phat Cribs Realty. Be sure to get your new apartment through this surely reputable realtor. Not to hate, but you really going to name your business that?

Then again, it is Harlem (W. 147th). So it's probably the number one broker amongs ignant black people. Mmm-hmm, good old fashioned racism.



Also in Harlem (W. 140), Jesus' Tacos. Little known fact about our Savior: at the Last Supper when he broke bread with his desciples, it was actually a tortilla.
From the Food Emporium in Union Square: Real Meals your kids will really love....to fuck. This little boy look like he's going back door on that slice of pizza. Yeah kid, go to town on that cheese. Could Kid Cuisine not find a less disturbing ad?So we all know Cholas reside in Washington (Dominican) Heights, but this restaurant was found in a decidedly un-Wash Heights, un-Dominican neighborhood. Sutton Place aka E. 59th aka the area featuring the most expensive rents in the city.

The proprietors decided since they were on 59th, it's in between Chola central (lets say the 150s and above) and Murray (Curry) Hill in the E. 20s-30s. Tha hill is best known for its Indian food induced stank. They combined the two and made Chola Indian Food. Right?...Right?

No? It's still a funny name for a restaurant.