Hilarious, right? Peep more Cyanide and Happiness at Explosm.net

Also hilarious.

Christiano Ronaldo's mom thinks he's not a walking man slut. What's it called when you know something is true, but refuse to believe it no matter how obvious? Delusional? Is that it?

Proud Dolores Aveiro, 54, said: “My son has only introduced two girlfriends to me – Merche Romero and Nereida Gallardo.

“If I believed what other people say, he has been with more than 100 and he is a womaniser.

“But I know that it is not true. When he likes a girl and the relationship is serious, he presents her to his family.”

I find this funny because his nickname is the Portuguese Man-O-Sex. Funny right? Kind of like Man-O-War, you know that jellyfish type thing. And apparently there's an entire blog dedicated to being a soccer WAG (wives and girlfriends) where they rank Euro league players' desirability. They should rename this faction of women to something else, like glorified whore. There's no stigma to being a WAG, but you know exactly what they're after; because those girls will probably let you spray in the face as long as you're rocking, no not Bathing Ape, but the AIG jersey. I can't hate though, I'd love to be living on easy street as a glorified man escort.

Besides, can any one really say no to Cristiano? I mean, he's only been in one ten way hooker orgy...that's been publicly documented. And little bit of herpes isn't going to kill you, right? Peep the last link, you know he's a G when he gets a hooker consider fellating him for FREE. That's like going into work knowing you won't be getting a paycheck or taking a girl to an expensive steak (for you, she's obviously eating the salad) dinner fully aware she won't touch you.

And read the concubine's quote, you can't make this shit up:

"They made me feel cheap," she moaned. "I've slept with about 200 clients and I've never been treated with such little respect. They didn't care about our feelings. They didn't even talk. They just moved our bodies into the right positions."

That, my readers, is what we call irony.

And finally, I know what you're thinking. I can't post about this without giving you a glimpse of the girls, right? Right? HERE they are, as of last year. So there's probably been another 47...or 147 since. And number two...ridiculous. Aw hell, here she is.


Here name is Gemma and is apparently a huge WAG. Think I'll grab myself a Fly Emirates jersey,go to England, pass myself of as Thierry Henry, and see if I can get in there.