Thanks to Biggie, Jay-Z, and other rappers one can almost always find someone yelling out "Broooook-lyyyn" at any random event. Not just from Brooklynites, but from random people who probably have never been there but aspire to live the Brooklyn life. No, not the life of Jiggaman who grew up "having holes in his zapatos" but the life of the resident hipster. Those kids riding the L train back and forth from BK to Lower Manhattan - thank God they don't come north of 14th street. You often see them wearing their skin-tight, testicle smothering size 24 American Apparel jeans (I'm skinny as fuck and still wear a 33), pointy-ass shoes, un-washed dredlocks, and fedora all in creating a look that can be mistaken for "Avenue A homeless bum." Damn those fedoras. Those things crossed the line from being cool to incredibly played out in a heartbeat. It probably doesn't help that you can't walk past a single street vendor without one of those Arab immigrants trying to push one on you.
The worst is when you meet someone who should be in Brooklyn but somehow made it to Manhatten. You'll find these hipsters in hiding in the Lower East Side. Like that dbag bouncer at Thor. The anorexic gay guy who used to man the door was a badass. But he has been replaced wish some Adidas Samba wearing, Fedora adorned asshole. An asshole who calls people out for wearing Chucks (way higher on the night club sneaker acceptibility list) when he's wearing clunky ass sneaks. Those hipsters like the Haterade too, apparently.
All in all, I can't hate on the way someone dresses. Even if by non-conforming in their wears they are just conforming to the hipster dress code. Anyone else see the irony? What I do find hilarious, however, is how much one pays to look like a broke ass bum. You're doing well, you have money, you can't spare $5 to put some Pert Plus in those follicles? But somehow find $300 to spend on jeans that have more holes than continuous denim...And do you insist on not showering to show off you're natural musk?
This article from the New York Observer on the gentrification of the Hipster mecca, Williamsburg, made me physically laugh out loud. Highlights?
"It's funny," Mr. Hoch said via phone from his home in Williamsburg. "There's a guy about a block away from me – an old school Puerto Rican cat – and there's a new ATM machine on Grand Street, so he's like, 'Yo man, I be seeing these kids, man, they go to the ATM machine and they forget and they just leave their receipts in there, and I go and I get them because I want to see how much money they got in their bank account.'
"He's like, 'Yo, these kids be lookin' bummy, I mean the bummiest, motherfucking, cheap looking kids and they got like $150,000 in their savings account, $280,000 in their savings account. This one motherfucker never takes a bath and he got like $400,000. He just leaves his receipts there in the machine.'"Yes.
Finally. my unfounded theory has a piece of statistically insignificant empirical data with a horrendously small sample size to back up my claim. That is, they spend egregious amounts of time, money, and effort to look poor. That and this website:
Look at this Fucking Hipster
More Yes. Someone decided to break out the camera phone on the subway and document these "I have money but buy all my gear at an expensive ass boutique when it looks like I got it from Goodwill and spend all my free time doing intravenous drugs at Indie concerts and being better than you" type kids. The best part of the site: most of the people pictured are either riding the L or waiting for it at the Bedford Avenue stop, more evidence they all share the Brooklyn milieu... comical.
“It’s actually really hard to be a pimp when all your bitches have trust funds.”
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