Let's. Plan. A Roberry.

I like cartoons. One of the cartoons I watch is Family Guy. There was one episode where the dog overhears an all points bulletin (APB) on a police radio and remarks “is it just me or is rap music just getting lazy.” Hilarious. And a frighteningly true possibility.

The scary thing is, I could definitely see a rapper making a song in APB format. I mean, we did get The Whisper Song and Birdwalk. Why not 4 minutes of “we have a 1-8-7 in progress on the corner of Figueroa and Washington” followed by a hook of repeated radio static. Definitely see Ying Yang Twins doing this. Or Magic from No Limit. Whatever happened to those guys, they used to run thing back in middle school. They were totally ‘bout it, ‘bout it. On a random, heavily influenced by watching late-night Inside Edition note, Fergie of “My Humps” fame just got married. Her face looks like Iraq. Bombed and depleted. I knew this kid freshman year who described one of his dorm mates with the line “it looks like someone lit her face on fire and put it out with a fork”. Does that apply to Fergie? Yes. Yes it does. Maybe Fergie shouldn’t have been doing all that crack. Or rather, meth, excuse me. At least she wasn’t actually a meth head and bulimic. So, you know, she has that going for her.

Btw, if I had to pick a girl with a vice/disease combo I’d have to go with cokehead/anorexic. Those go together hand in hand, or rolled up dollar bill in one hand and imaginary fork in the other. I mean the majority of the girls in this city are already on this combination. 100% of girls if you go to the West Village. Mmm-hmmm, 98 pounds of hot ano basehead. And you don’t have to deal with a toothless chick booting everywhere, at worst you suggest she get surgery to fix the bridge of her nose. The worst combo, though, MUST be a bi-polar heroin addict. That’s an absolutely no win situation.

Aside aside, my thoughts were eased knowing that Hip-Hop music was still safe. Still defensible. I’ve had many arguments over the genre and its merits and use artists like Nas, Jay, Luda, Em, etc. to defend the currently declining hip hop scene. But if someone ever created a song based off of an APB, I would just quit. And admit that rap sucks. Thank God it hasn’t come to that. Or so I thought.

Ladies and Gentlemen (ha, like anyone reads this) I present the Oscar winning Three-Six Mafia and their lyrical gem: Let’s Plan A Robbery. Let’s. Plan. A Robbery. That’s the entire song right there. I was talking to a friend, and fellow hip-hop head himself, when this song came on. He could only laugh and shake his head.

I love bad southern rap, including the horrendous We Hate Pastor Troy. Damn that song gets me pumped. But Let’s. Plan. A Robbery? Really? I really, really, hope they release a video for this. I would pay to see Crunchy Black hiding around a corner and beating the shit out of some unsuspecting dude with his Oscar. Could you think of any more ironic symbolism to represent the decline of rap? The best part? They can start the song off with an APB “Man beaten with blunt instrument, possibly an Oscar, in apparent robbery. All units please respond”