I’m Levered, and So Should you.

Nothing beats Sunday afternoon television without football. I’m going through withdrawal already and it’s only been a week. With the end of football nigh, I need to figure out ways to spend my weekends. Can’t spend them pounding Busch Light anymore. I actually have to be productive during the weekends. This is by far the worst aspect of trying to be a real person. Having to wake up at a reasonable hour, running around the city doing things you can’t do during the week because you spend 8+ hours a day exiled in some office building in front of a computer sucks. That, and putting away 10 Busch Lights over the course of a Sunday doesn’t exactly put you in the best state of mind for having to listen to the dumbasses that call your desk all day on Monday.

Enough about that and more about what I’m going to do to replace football. I’m leaning towards reading. Newsbreak: speaking of shitty Sunday television, I’m watching the Gospel Music Awards right now. Talk about some TACKY suits. Come one black people, four button shiny silver checkerboard suits with 6 inch wide lapels do not look good.

Anyways, I’m thinking of reading. Like books. I want to read Boys Will Be Boys, a book about the Dallas Cowboys 1990s dynasty. I don’t want to be judgmental and say they were a hedonistic bunch, but chartering stretch limos to drive from Dallas to Arizona so they could indiscriminately do blow and hookers for the 16 hour trip seems a little… fun actually. Need to read Outliers by Senor Gladwell. And some GMAT books, so I can end this pretense of being a real individual and can go back to school.

But I know I’ll end up wasting my Sundays with mindless television and great infomercials about how to get rich quick or consolidate debt. It was during one of these infomercials when the light came on above my head. This, and during a conversation with a friend who likens himself to a banker.

Men in black said it best “the person is smart, people are dumb” or something of the sort. I was watching this “get out of debt” infomercial that mentioned the average American has 8 credit cards. What the hell are people doing with 8 credit cards? Do we have no cash? No liquidity? Do we finance absolutely everything you buy? Do we have any sense of fiscal solvency? It honestly thought it was impossible to have more than four (Visa, AmEx, Mastercard, Discover) before I realized they have different types of cards (yah, I’m a little slow). Which means people have multiple Visas or Mastercards or, God forbid, Discovers. Do stores even take Discover anymore? You do realize it was introduced by Sears, right? SEARS.

But we can’t blame ourselves for spending all of our unearned money. We have to blame the financial corporations. Did you know for every $10,000 I spend on my Capital One High Reward Individual Frequent Flyer card I receive credit for 100 miles? Only need to spend 100K to get that free trip from NYC to Disney World!!!!! And I can’t forget about my gas card. I get a free gallon for every 20 times I fill up my Hummer, what a deal. Oh, and my GAP card. Because I do ALL my shopping at the GAP. And because I FINANCE ALL THE CLOTHES I BUY. After all, let’s be real here, it makes complete sense to pay double digit interest on that sexy merino wool cardigan if I got 10 percent off in the first place. Oh yeah, saving money left and right. My Gold Card? I’m still surprised I qualified for that 10K monthly spending limit, given that I only earn $2600 a month. But hey, if my credit is good enough for Countrywide financial, I’m sold.

And we wonder why the economy is falling apart. Maybe it’s because people making $42,000 a year are trying to buy$850,000 houses. Or maybe, just maybe, we should stop leveraging ourselves and not buy things we can't afford. Just a thought.

That Answers That Question

White people love them some Gossip Girl.

Never mind that the study is two years old and GG is not.

The researchers asked the participants, who were white Americans of different ages, questions such as how much they would need to be paid to have television completely taken away from them for the rest of their lives. The majority of people said about $1 million. Comparatively, they were asked how much they would need to be paid to be black for the rest of their lives. The majority answer to that question was less than $10,000.

White people – and I can generalize, given the proper sample size – would prefer a hundred times over to get dirty looks from that blond girl at the bar because she doesn't think you're hitting on her, but trying to rob her, than give up watching The Wire? Haven’t they seen The Wire? Being black isn’t easy.

The respondents definitely got this idea implanted into their heads by watching too much television. It’s not all about being a pro baller, or Tiger, Barack, or Weezy F. It’s about having your resume passed over, or having 1/3 of the wealth despite earning the same income – thanks in part to de facto segregation and repression of value in housing. Or Rodney King.

White Americans are blind to the cost of being black

You don't say?

Maybe there's a study out there of businessmen who'd rather be women than give up watching The Hills. Despite the glass ceilings, the wage inequities, or the embedded societal stereotypes.

There may be a black president, but society's still caters to you, white folks.

study searches for cost of being black

Public Policy

...is so sweet. Cost/Benefit Analyses get my dick hard.

Who's got standing? I've got standing...in my pants.

Let's. Plan. A Roberry.

I like cartoons. One of the cartoons I watch is Family Guy. There was one episode where the dog overhears an all points bulletin (APB) on a police radio and remarks “is it just me or is rap music just getting lazy.” Hilarious. And a frighteningly true possibility.

The scary thing is, I could definitely see a rapper making a song in APB format. I mean, we did get The Whisper Song and Birdwalk. Why not 4 minutes of “we have a 1-8-7 in progress on the corner of Figueroa and Washington” followed by a hook of repeated radio static. Definitely see Ying Yang Twins doing this. Or Magic from No Limit. Whatever happened to those guys, they used to run thing back in middle school. They were totally ‘bout it, ‘bout it. On a random, heavily influenced by watching late-night Inside Edition note, Fergie of “My Humps” fame just got married. Her face looks like Iraq. Bombed and depleted. I knew this kid freshman year who described one of his dorm mates with the line “it looks like someone lit her face on fire and put it out with a fork”. Does that apply to Fergie? Yes. Yes it does. Maybe Fergie shouldn’t have been doing all that crack. Or rather, meth, excuse me. At least she wasn’t actually a meth head and bulimic. So, you know, she has that going for her.

Btw, if I had to pick a girl with a vice/disease combo I’d have to go with cokehead/anorexic. Those go together hand in hand, or rolled up dollar bill in one hand and imaginary fork in the other. I mean the majority of the girls in this city are already on this combination. 100% of girls if you go to the West Village. Mmm-hmmm, 98 pounds of hot ano basehead. And you don’t have to deal with a toothless chick booting everywhere, at worst you suggest she get surgery to fix the bridge of her nose. The worst combo, though, MUST be a bi-polar heroin addict. That’s an absolutely no win situation.

Aside aside, my thoughts were eased knowing that Hip-Hop music was still safe. Still defensible. I’ve had many arguments over the genre and its merits and use artists like Nas, Jay, Luda, Em, etc. to defend the currently declining hip hop scene. But if someone ever created a song based off of an APB, I would just quit. And admit that rap sucks. Thank God it hasn’t come to that. Or so I thought.

Ladies and Gentlemen (ha, like anyone reads this) I present the Oscar winning Three-Six Mafia and their lyrical gem: Let’s Plan A Robbery. Let’s. Plan. A Robbery. That’s the entire song right there. I was talking to a friend, and fellow hip-hop head himself, when this song came on. He could only laugh and shake his head.

I love bad southern rap, including the horrendous We Hate Pastor Troy. Damn that song gets me pumped. But Let’s. Plan. A Robbery? Really? I really, really, hope they release a video for this. I would pay to see Crunchy Black hiding around a corner and beating the shit out of some unsuspecting dude with his Oscar. Could you think of any more ironic symbolism to represent the decline of rap? The best part? They can start the song off with an APB “Man beaten with blunt instrument, possibly an Oscar, in apparent robbery. All units please respond”

Live Bloggin'...my thoughts

Okay, so it isn't really a live blog. There's only going to be one post. I can't write then post then write then post etc. etc. I don't have those kind of multitasking skills. To think, write, and, post. Holy crap, man, what do you want from me? So here the deal. I write what I'm thinking of and I won't go back and edit it. What I write is what I write. Expect typos. And run on sentences. And sentence fragments.

Reason number 1 for loving NYC: Some dudes on the corner in front of the Union Sq. Food Emporium were selling wool and cashmere peacoats. Right there on the street. For $20. How'd they get it? They said they got them at a Lord & Taylor auction...more likely fell off a Lord & Taylor delivery truck.

Reason number 1 for hating NYC: It's cold. I relish 40 degree days now. Weird.

This national championship game has been a boring let down so far. Someone should tell two of the country's highest scoring offenses that no one voted them into this game for defense. Fox's announcers are hilariously awful. "When Major Wright hits you, you'll feel it in a major wrong way."

The Joshua Tree in the winter time sucks. Terribly. Absolutely horrendous. Words can't explain how bad this bar is when there 19 year old summer interns aren't there. You know what kind of girls go there in the winter? Ugly, old 28 year old soon to be cougars looking to prey on the fresh out of college Curry Hill populace. Excuse me, it's Murray Hill, but with so many Indian restaurants it's a wonder the sewage system on the whole east side hasn't been clogged by now.
Back to the J-Tree. I was there hitting on some woman whom I thought to be 40. She had a plasticky looking face w/those eye wrinkle thingies. She was 27. Those years in a tanning bed end up making her face look like a catchers mitt. She should've moisturized. At the end of the night a friend talked me into going back with one of the girls. How did this happen? I don't know. But this kid is fucking convincing. I can't quite remember what happens next. But I remember telling her I was going to Duane Reade to buy some rubbers then peacing out to my house. Nothing better than blacked out subway rides at 5 am; since there was no way in hell a cab was going to stop for me.

New Years Eve was one of the coldest nights I've ever experienced. I'm pretty sure my spit froze in midair. I couldn't get a cab for the life of me. I was thinking of going OJ - picking up a white girl, NOT the killing a white girl part - just to get a cab. At one point I stood in the middle of Lafayette Street while the cabs swerved around me. My friends were incredulous, "what the hell, get out of the street, you'll get hit." No I won't, they'll just drive around me, then I'll catch a glimpse of Machmoud staring me down with the "I know black people don't tip" look of hate in his eyes.

Oklahoma tackles like they were playing flag football. So does Florida. Looks like my 42-35 prediction won't reach fruition.

Every time Chris Brown runs the ball I think of that doublemint song.

Steve Harvey is bald. Goolge it. That immaculate edge-up: FAKE. LIES. All of it. I feel like every truth from my childhood has gone up in smoke. Obviously Mannie Fresh's line about the "Steve Harvey linin'" in Real Big is shot to hell.

This game is playing out like an NFL playoff game. Fight for field position, hold the ball. Then try to make just enough plays to pull it out at the end. Good game, but not the offensive orgy everyone wanted and hoped for. Aaaand the jump pass returns. I can only hope UF holds on and denies Stoops another title. Stopped on 4th down. Wait for it, wait for it....no phantom pass interference call. Looks like UF is going to hold on.

It's funny how everyone shits on Ohio State for sucking BCS games. Don't look now, but Big Game Bob has lost five in a row (LSU, USC, Boise State, West Virginia, UF). Finally everyone can share in my irrational hate for Oklahoma, and realize everyone rated the Big XII way to high. Way to score 60 points OU!!! I like offense as much as the next guy, but a good defense always beats a good offense. USC should've been in this game. Big XII sucks. OU was overrated. Texas was overrated.

Good night children.

fuck blogger's whack arbitrarily-changing-the-font-at-random times editing layout. If either Mr. Surprise or Mr. Jimi can fix it I'd greatly appreciate it. White Jesus just may save either of you in return.

Or if you can fix it let me know! You can be a contributor too. It's that easy, yo.

Girl I'll House You

Girl I'll House You

Girl I'll House You

Girl I'll House You

Girl I'll House You

G iiiiiiiiirl I'll House You

Girl I'll House You

Girl I'll House You

Girl I'll House You

Girl I'll House You

Girl I'll House You

House music all night long

Actually not all night long. The stuff gets pretty repetitive (what could've given that away?) after about 3 hours. The Guetta concert a little more than a month ago proved this. I was ready to leave around 3am. Maybe it would've been better had I, like everyone else, been ex'd out of my dome. Plus it was full of gweeds. Only thing worse than an overpacked house - there were at least 2000 people in this club - is an overpacked house full of Ed Hardy adorned tools.

Enough of me hating, however. House music is pretty fucking sweet. I listen to it at work. While studying. While walking. While doing just about anything. Especially while working out. I'm trying to convince the next girl I take down to let me rock Yves Larock during.

So I walk into the gym some random night and knew it was my day. Knew it was the day I was going to get all my sets in and break a barbell in half by smashing it over my cranium. MUSCLE MILK.

I knew it was my day because I walked in and the gym speakers were blasting Beat It. Solid. Then while changing they started rocking some Daft Punk. Not just ordinary Daft Punk, but a track off of Alive 2007. The track that starts off with the bell tolling, thinking you're in for the sweet vibes of Aerodynamic. Only to segue into One More Time, only to then switch back into the amazing faux guitar (it's a synth, yo) of Aerodynamic after 16 bars. Or maybe it's 16. I'll tell you next time I listen to it. Pretty sure its 16 though. Anyways, got my rocks off to those sick beats, had a sick lift, and got to thinking: I can make a dope ass gym playlist. And for my ever so loyal audience, here it is.

I also got to thinking about how baller a Synth Hero video game would be. Take all the non-instrumental instrumental parts and apply them to the actual instruments the synth was imitating. Like the guitar from Aerodynamic, for example. I would absolutely love to play it on a plastic guitar.

Without further adieu...

Kenny Loggins - Highway to the Danger Zone

I always thought Kenny Loggins was the guy who owned that chicken restaurant in Seinfeld. I remember that place, it was dope. But that's actually Kenny Rogers. Not the pitcher who used pine tar on his hand against the Yanks in the playoffs, but some other scrub. Which brings me back to my original question, who's Kenny Loggins?

Europe - Final Countdown

Put this song on while doing your last set on bench. This song, and this one alone, will get you through that pec-shattering final rep. Bank on it. MUSCLE MILK!!!!

Beat It and One More Time/Aerodynamic, obviously

David Guetta - Tomorrow Can Wait, Love Don't Leave Me, Love Is Gone

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Eminem - Amityville, 'Till I Collapse

'Till I Collapse is straight fire from beginning to end. Totally gets you're blood going in preparation for those jump squats you're about to get murdered by. Two thirds of Amityville kind of sucks. But that last verse... damn. " We don't do drivebys, we park in front of houses and shoot." Ridiculous. That was Em when he still had his fire. Before he came out with Encore, come one Em, that was weak.

Wu-Tang Clan - Wu Tang Clan Ain't Nothing to Fuck Wit

Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigaaaa Style. "I'm causin more family feuds than Richard Dawson/And the survey said, you're dead /Fatal flying guillotine chops off your fuckin head"

Game - Put You On The Game

It'll get you pumped! Guaranteed to get you energized or you can send it back to Limewire.

2Pac - Hit 'Em Up

No explanation necessary. If you need one you're probably dumb, and thats why I fucked your bitch you fat mother fucker. I've never actually seen this video. Totally early nineties.